If you've ever had a friend who was fairly demanding of attention you have likely used the sympathy face. Because, I find the ones you notice being attention seekers (even though most of us are in other ways) are the ones who aim to attract attention in the form of sympathy.
I am an empathetic person, I like to think. I always end up listening to the traumatic stories of their childhood and participate in the ego-boosting remarks like “don’t be silly, you have something to offer; you’re life is good and will only get better” etc...etc...But eventually, I realize that this particular brand of person is actually not feeling bad about themselves or their lives at all; they just want YOU to feel bad.
If you have sympathy for them, it means you care and that they can count on you to be on their side even when they are wrong (because you, of all people, should know that they need someone in their corner).
You do not come across these people every day and sometimes you just get people who arrive in this phase but eventually get out. Sometimes, it requires that you no longer buy into it. You no longer feed their ideas about what your relationship should be and the best way they know how to get attention.
The annoying thing though is I never spot these people right away, it always takes a lot of sympathy attempts and eventually the realization that they have over-exaggerated stories and feelings.
Man o man that reminds me of the drama queens in relationships. You know, the ones that feel like their partner isn’t passionate about being with them and loving them unless they are fighting. They seek to make the other person feel bad purely to get them to argue with them. At least the spiders make their intentions perfectly clear (though some people still ignore them…for some strange inexplicable reason).
What kind of people are these?! Seriously guys, if you EVER notice that you do stuff like this then I beg of you to seek emotional help- wherever that may come from. DO NOT just seek out new people that haven’t figured you out yet. This is unhealthy. The truth is you should not need validation from your friends, significant others, or strangers. These expectations are ridiculous and unfair. You, and especially they, deserve more.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Airport scans
Full body scans, regardless of their intent, are entirely personal.
My first instinct is that I don't think people should be made to go through them. A coworker was recently informed that her child would not be going through the scanner and would have a pat-down instead. Her question was, obviously, who the hell is going to be patting down my child?! I don't know this person - and because they are in uniform I should trust them entirely? We all know that doesn't always end well.
Good luck explaining to your young kid that all of those times you told them not to let a stranger touch them don't count when you are in an airport...in fact, don't tell them that...that sounds bad. Explaining to them that they will have to carry around a never-ending supply of insect reppeallant when the Spider Apocolyps occurs might go over better.
Anyway my second instinct is: think of the society we live in. Women and men ...and far too often teenage girls, are constantly being looked at for their bodies. Judeged, ridiculed, considered objects (yes, this does happen to men also albeit for the most part far less often). Why is it that people are "fighting the fight" over their own security but NOT over their own sanity? (don't get me started on the problem with making people feel unsafe everywhere they go...as if what we get on the news weren't enough now we have to be told everytime we walk uncomfortably through an airport).
I am reluctant to say that if we are accepting one negative thing we should accept the lesser evils as well...just food for thought.
Anyway I like travelling too much to argue over it...do what you will!
My first instinct is that I don't think people should be made to go through them. A coworker was recently informed that her child would not be going through the scanner and would have a pat-down instead. Her question was, obviously, who the hell is going to be patting down my child?! I don't know this person - and because they are in uniform I should trust them entirely? We all know that doesn't always end well.
Good luck explaining to your young kid that all of those times you told them not to let a stranger touch them don't count when you are in an airport...in fact, don't tell them that...that sounds bad. Explaining to them that they will have to carry around a never-ending supply of insect reppeallant when the Spider Apocolyps occurs might go over better.
Anyway my second instinct is: think of the society we live in. Women and men ...and far too often teenage girls, are constantly being looked at for their bodies. Judeged, ridiculed, considered objects (yes, this does happen to men also albeit for the most part far less often). Why is it that people are "fighting the fight" over their own security but NOT over their own sanity? (don't get me started on the problem with making people feel unsafe everywhere they go...as if what we get on the news weren't enough now we have to be told everytime we walk uncomfortably through an airport).
I am reluctant to say that if we are accepting one negative thing we should accept the lesser evils as well...just food for thought.
Anyway I like travelling too much to argue over it...do what you will!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A day in the life of
When posed the question "if you could trade places with someone else for a day, who would it be?"
I bet the typical answer you hear is some celebrity or uber rich person. But why?! So that you could have a little bit more fun than usual for a day and maybe meet some other celebrities?
I hate to break it to you dudes- you can have fun in your own skin. I'd rather use such an exciting wish to learn something, to be humbled, or to understand the world better.
Who would I choose? I cannot say for certain- and am pretty sure I will never actually be faced with that question as a serious possibility (unless the spider apocalypse happens because we will be forced to advance our technology so that we can have some spider embodied human saboteurs or face certain destruction).
I digress. I would rather be in the mind of someone I love or cared about- someone I wanted to understand either because there were things I did not know or because I just wanted to be able to have patience with them- and vice versa.
Another option would be to switch places with someone in another part of the world. A number of reasons surround this idea:
- Cheaper way to travel and see the world
- Get to experience the perspectives of another culture or race (or what it's like to be a man, even)
- Be humbled by the pain and suffering of others so that I don't whine as much
Guys...plenty of reasons to want to switch places with someone else. Doing it to spend ridiculous amounts of money and party for a day- an awful reason.
Now, who would you be?
I bet the typical answer you hear is some celebrity or uber rich person. But why?! So that you could have a little bit more fun than usual for a day and maybe meet some other celebrities?
I hate to break it to you dudes- you can have fun in your own skin. I'd rather use such an exciting wish to learn something, to be humbled, or to understand the world better.
Who would I choose? I cannot say for certain- and am pretty sure I will never actually be faced with that question as a serious possibility (unless the spider apocalypse happens because we will be forced to advance our technology so that we can have some spider embodied human saboteurs or face certain destruction).
I digress. I would rather be in the mind of someone I love or cared about- someone I wanted to understand either because there were things I did not know or because I just wanted to be able to have patience with them- and vice versa.
Another option would be to switch places with someone in another part of the world. A number of reasons surround this idea:
- Cheaper way to travel and see the world
- Get to experience the perspectives of another culture or race (or what it's like to be a man, even)
- Be humbled by the pain and suffering of others so that I don't whine as much
Guys...plenty of reasons to want to switch places with someone else. Doing it to spend ridiculous amounts of money and party for a day- an awful reason.
Now, who would you be?
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Bad Days, Nice Gestures
Hurricane Earl was slightly disappointing. I do not exactly like natural disasters, but what I do like is seeing neighbors out helping each other after the fact. It gives me some sort of pride to see the people who I pass by every day pitching in and helping virtual strangers. I say strangers because we spend too much time doing just that- passing by each other. Somehow, when something bad happens, the whole world slows down. It is nice when you see the everyone else slow down with it- take notice and do something about it.
I think that people are capable of recognizing when someone else needs a break- we just have to pay attention. We can be aware that when someone is moody, they might actually just be having a bad day. Customer service should go two ways- you, as the customer, should see the people helping you as PEOPLE. Someone might just be an asshole, but they could also be going through the worst time of their entire life.
I was most grateful one day when I was going through the bridge toll in my city. I had been broken up with the previous day and was going to pick a friend up to go for a drive outside of the city. I had been crying but waited until it was less obvious to leave the house. When I went to give the man change for the toll, he stopped me and said “You know what, this one’s on me” , to which I replied “really” and he explained “yup, I like to do that for someone who looks like they could use a break each day”.
75 cents. That was the cost of someone letting me know that they saw I was in pain and that it mattered to them. Of course, as I drove away this made me cry more (EMOTIONS!) But it was the nicest feeling.
My best memory of my younger brother was when no one else was home and I found out (another) boyfriend had been cheating on me. He saw that I was crying, and without a word, sat down beside me and put his arm around me. He just let me cry for ten minutes before he even asked what was wrong. You have to understand that my brother is quiet and secluded and while we get along we do not talk much. This was even more the case in highschool, which was when this happened. Anyway, when someone notices that you need them to be kind to you, whether it is a stranger or someone close to you, it matters.
My question: why can’t we all go into situations with an understanding that not everyone is having a good day? A smile to a stranger, a thank you, or even an “are you ok” can change their day completely.
I think that people are capable of recognizing when someone else needs a break- we just have to pay attention. We can be aware that when someone is moody, they might actually just be having a bad day. Customer service should go two ways- you, as the customer, should see the people helping you as PEOPLE. Someone might just be an asshole, but they could also be going through the worst time of their entire life.
I was most grateful one day when I was going through the bridge toll in my city. I had been broken up with the previous day and was going to pick a friend up to go for a drive outside of the city. I had been crying but waited until it was less obvious to leave the house. When I went to give the man change for the toll, he stopped me and said “You know what, this one’s on me” , to which I replied “really” and he explained “yup, I like to do that for someone who looks like they could use a break each day”.
75 cents. That was the cost of someone letting me know that they saw I was in pain and that it mattered to them. Of course, as I drove away this made me cry more (EMOTIONS!) But it was the nicest feeling.
My best memory of my younger brother was when no one else was home and I found out (another) boyfriend had been cheating on me. He saw that I was crying, and without a word, sat down beside me and put his arm around me. He just let me cry for ten minutes before he even asked what was wrong. You have to understand that my brother is quiet and secluded and while we get along we do not talk much. This was even more the case in highschool, which was when this happened. Anyway, when someone notices that you need them to be kind to you, whether it is a stranger or someone close to you, it matters.
My question: why can’t we all go into situations with an understanding that not everyone is having a good day? A smile to a stranger, a thank you, or even an “are you ok” can change their day completely.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Adulthood: A Bigger, Scarier Schoolyard
I remain undecided in a lot of areas that, historically, have offered up danger and pain to people. God is one of them. I think I believe in some force greater than what I can see, but organized religion has nothing to offer me. I was raised Catholic but can not grasp the idea of an angry/judgemental god. If you were capable of creating something this beautiful and this intricate- would your mind really be on whether people are having sex outside of marriage or were gay? Also, would you need middlemen to tell the world this? I would think you would be more concerned that people were ruining the world you created – but littering and oil spilling does not appear to be a sin. How do we decide?
We are living in a world where, in politics and religion, if you make the most noise, and come up with the best insults against another organization, then you must be the one that is right. It’s like our political and religious leaders are in a pissing match. Since when did bullying become the path to ruling the world? Oh wait, that’s right, it kind of always has: Be the most feared and dangerous and you will actually get somewhere. It seems to be shifting almost entirely, though, from physical bullying to psychological manipulation. It occurs between social groups/classes; pretty much everywhere we look, and can be blatant or indirect.
When I grew up and found (yes, found) myself in adulthood I thought I was finally free of the school yard mentality. In reality, I’ve just entered into a bigger, scarier one where people pretend they are something different. Let’s call a spade what it is – a big fat bully who plays the “who can scream loudest to scare the most people into being on their side” game.
I chose to talk about religion, but this can be applied to most areas of adulthood.
So I question: why are we so easily distracted by fancy suits and words . If we are ALL created, we ALL have a right to believe in the things that inspire us- not the things that drown us in manipulation and accusations that we are someone bad even if we are good-hearted people.
We are living in a world where, in politics and religion, if you make the most noise, and come up with the best insults against another organization, then you must be the one that is right. It’s like our political and religious leaders are in a pissing match. Since when did bullying become the path to ruling the world? Oh wait, that’s right, it kind of always has: Be the most feared and dangerous and you will actually get somewhere. It seems to be shifting almost entirely, though, from physical bullying to psychological manipulation. It occurs between social groups/classes; pretty much everywhere we look, and can be blatant or indirect.
When I grew up and found (yes, found) myself in adulthood I thought I was finally free of the school yard mentality. In reality, I’ve just entered into a bigger, scarier one where people pretend they are something different. Let’s call a spade what it is – a big fat bully who plays the “who can scream loudest to scare the most people into being on their side” game.
I chose to talk about religion, but this can be applied to most areas of adulthood.
So I question: why are we so easily distracted by fancy suits and words . If we are ALL created, we ALL have a right to believe in the things that inspire us- not the things that drown us in manipulation and accusations that we are someone bad even if we are good-hearted people.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Save the planet; Stop making babies!
So guys, it’s serious times now.
We MUST put an end to immigration, we MUST stop building houses, we MUST stop producing food. Human beings need to know that reproduction will not be tolerated…sterilization is the way to go. Act now, before it is too late to save our planet.
Sounds like something from Science fiction right? Well…no (well, yes, though) a gentleman (I use the word loosely) by the name of James Jay Lee actually held the people at discovery channel hostage yesterday with these demands (see http://www.globaltoronto.com/James+manifesto+from+savetheplanetprotest/3469978/story.html)
Sometimes when I see a lot of road kill in a short period of time, and see how we deal with disasters like the oil spill, I think the human race sucks at caring about anything but their own comfort…but I don’t believe the solution is to cut us off and stop making babies.
Though, I would recommend parenting classes and support to everyone who has children. Does that count? Can I still believe in a better planet!? Pretty please!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Ranting of a Student in (63,000$) Debt + Interest
63. That is the number of thousands of dollars I am in debt after 7 years of post secondary education. This does not take into account the fact that my parents helped me or that I was working three jobs for half of that time.
In 9.5 years, if I pay the estimated 680$ a month (which I cannot even come close to affording with a very good job) I will have paid 15,000$ in interest. I am already incurring 6$ a day in interest despite being in a “grace” period. Bringing my grand total of debt to 78,000$.
This is assuming the economy doesn’t get better and the rate of prime doesn’t increase. If prime increases to even 5%- My interest more than doubles. I will have paid over 100,000 to get myself through university.
Being that I found that very good job, I likely do not qualify for interest relief. At 44,000 a year (2200 of which I actually see each month) I cannot afford to manage my debt.
In Canada, tuition used to be paid. From what I understand this was stopped to help fund the war. Well- that has been over for decades, so what is the government’s excuse now? About 40,000$ of my debt is due to tuition costs- much of my living expenses were covered by myself and my parents.
My debt reduction options for the NS portion of my student loan are actually quite good compared to Canada- which only appears to have interest relief possibilities as opposed to reduced debt. Still- not good enough. Even if it was compulsory for me to pay back every cent I had borrowed that would be hard enough, but now I am supposed to pay half a year’s salary (after taxes) MORE due to interest.
There has to be SOMETHING that can be done if the government will continue to claim that tuition can never be free: Reduce costs, provide more grants, provide more debt reduction opportunities- for the love of god gives us a tax break for the first 5-10 years we are in the workforce. I will beg and plead for the opportunity to have some end in sight. Some light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, I could wait 10 years and if I am still paying THEN the government will start to help- but I will be entirely stressed and unable to save for a home for that entire time. I will be 36 when that time comes- and then I can start saving? YAAAAAAY.
My question: What kind of adult-debt super humanoid that MUST live for 100 years or more if it ever wants a debt free, child/home enriched future, is the Canadian government trying to produce?
In 9.5 years, if I pay the estimated 680$ a month (which I cannot even come close to affording with a very good job) I will have paid 15,000$ in interest. I am already incurring 6$ a day in interest despite being in a “grace” period. Bringing my grand total of debt to 78,000$.
This is assuming the economy doesn’t get better and the rate of prime doesn’t increase. If prime increases to even 5%- My interest more than doubles. I will have paid over 100,000 to get myself through university.
Being that I found that very good job, I likely do not qualify for interest relief. At 44,000 a year (2200 of which I actually see each month) I cannot afford to manage my debt.
In Canada, tuition used to be paid. From what I understand this was stopped to help fund the war. Well- that has been over for decades, so what is the government’s excuse now? About 40,000$ of my debt is due to tuition costs- much of my living expenses were covered by myself and my parents.
My debt reduction options for the NS portion of my student loan are actually quite good compared to Canada- which only appears to have interest relief possibilities as opposed to reduced debt. Still- not good enough. Even if it was compulsory for me to pay back every cent I had borrowed that would be hard enough, but now I am supposed to pay half a year’s salary (after taxes) MORE due to interest.
There has to be SOMETHING that can be done if the government will continue to claim that tuition can never be free: Reduce costs, provide more grants, provide more debt reduction opportunities- for the love of god gives us a tax break for the first 5-10 years we are in the workforce. I will beg and plead for the opportunity to have some end in sight. Some light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, I could wait 10 years and if I am still paying THEN the government will start to help- but I will be entirely stressed and unable to save for a home for that entire time. I will be 36 when that time comes- and then I can start saving? YAAAAAAY.
My question: What kind of adult-debt super humanoid that MUST live for 100 years or more if it ever wants a debt free, child/home enriched future, is the Canadian government trying to produce?
ISMS't the Media Biased
Had a pretty healthy discussion about minority portrayals in the media on facebook of all places. I was pretty impressed with how well everyone involved handled themselves. Especially after a white reporter said she had seen no instances of media portraying minorities more negatively than white people.
I suspect, as did others, that she meant intentionally. Although, I still think that in unfortunate cases there are probably reporters out there who very willingly spread their biases and propaganda into the minds of naive readers/listeners/watchers throughout Canada (and definitely throughout the world).
While it is becoming increasingly unacceptable to make these biases obvious in today’s society (with regards to race; sexism seems to actually be becoming increasingly more tolerated in media, and people are still quite open about their feelings against gay rights. Then there is ageism…don’t get me started) that doesn't mean it doesn’t continue to be rampant in our media.
I, by no means, pay as much attention as I should in order to think critically with the images I am bombarded with every day. My own whiteness is not an excuse for my lack of awareness, but it can get overwhelming when you realize just how ridiculously unfair and relentless the media can be. And! For the most part this isn’t even on purpose- can you imagine if it was (well, of course you can…throughout history we have seen what happens when minorities are purposefully depicted as the “other” that is dangerous or in some way wrong).
I find it easier to relate to the sexism- the fact that men can look and act however they want on TV, but the women that are married to them have to be beautiful, understanding, at least somewhat successful and definitely skinny. It doesn’t matter what the man does- they are always forgiving and would never leave. It is women that are scorned and neurotic and men can do no wrong (I’m not saying this is always the case, but see situational comedies and name me one that turns out differently). If women don’t fit into this category- well, they don’t exist. You would think that Rosanne would have helped break through this barrier and made people realize that TRUER depictions can sell- but that was 20 years ago and we’ve only continued to perpetuate these ideals.
SO, my question is- yes, it has been proven that Canadian/American culture buys into bias and eats it up- but it doesn’t’ have to be true. Is it unawareness and/or greed on behalf of the media industry, is it our society as a whole- and regardless of the reason, why does it seem so unwilling to change?
I suspect, as did others, that she meant intentionally. Although, I still think that in unfortunate cases there are probably reporters out there who very willingly spread their biases and propaganda into the minds of naive readers/listeners/watchers throughout Canada (and definitely throughout the world).
While it is becoming increasingly unacceptable to make these biases obvious in today’s society (with regards to race; sexism seems to actually be becoming increasingly more tolerated in media, and people are still quite open about their feelings against gay rights. Then there is ageism…don’t get me started) that doesn't mean it doesn’t continue to be rampant in our media.
I, by no means, pay as much attention as I should in order to think critically with the images I am bombarded with every day. My own whiteness is not an excuse for my lack of awareness, but it can get overwhelming when you realize just how ridiculously unfair and relentless the media can be. And! For the most part this isn’t even on purpose- can you imagine if it was (well, of course you can…throughout history we have seen what happens when minorities are purposefully depicted as the “other” that is dangerous or in some way wrong).
I find it easier to relate to the sexism- the fact that men can look and act however they want on TV, but the women that are married to them have to be beautiful, understanding, at least somewhat successful and definitely skinny. It doesn’t matter what the man does- they are always forgiving and would never leave. It is women that are scorned and neurotic and men can do no wrong (I’m not saying this is always the case, but see situational comedies and name me one that turns out differently). If women don’t fit into this category- well, they don’t exist. You would think that Rosanne would have helped break through this barrier and made people realize that TRUER depictions can sell- but that was 20 years ago and we’ve only continued to perpetuate these ideals.
SO, my question is- yes, it has been proven that Canadian/American culture buys into bias and eats it up- but it doesn’t’ have to be true. Is it unawareness and/or greed on behalf of the media industry, is it our society as a whole- and regardless of the reason, why does it seem so unwilling to change?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Interweb...ness
Old and Recent Internet findings. Some I stumbled across, some I was introduced to.
http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ - A woman records her Husband at night having some abmormal and hilarious outbursts
http://disneycomics.free.fr/Ducks/Rosa/show.php?num=1&loc=D2002-033&s=date- The Uncle Scrooge/Donald Duck Comic that Inception appears to have thefted from
Geekology.com, XKCD, Dinosaur comics.
Ok. I’m actually going to not put any more. I could go on forever with youtube videos and hilarious websites.
http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/ - A woman records her Husband at night having some abmormal and hilarious outbursts
http://disneycomics.free.fr/Ducks/Rosa/show.php?num=1&loc=D2002-033&s=date- The Uncle Scrooge/Donald Duck Comic that Inception appears to have thefted from
Geekology.com, XKCD, Dinosaur comics.
Ok. I’m actually going to not put any more. I could go on forever with youtube videos and hilarious websites.
Monday, August 30, 2010
These are the self proclaimed neurosis
Have you ever felt certain ways about certain things/ people when you know they are unfair or irrational? Case in point: my fear of spiders. Or, discontent with your significant other’s exes or opposite sex friends. What about a friend of a friend? Or someone that reminds you of an Ex you ended up unhappy with. A relative or a stranger who unknowingly pushes a button.
I choose to believe that the first example is legitimate and that someday, when the spiders begin their apocalyptic takeover of the world those of us with said phobia can say “We told you so” and those of you who have mocked us can cry “why didn’t I listen before it was too late”. It will go down in history alongside global warming or cooling or whatever, and the frame of mind that Bush was a good idea (either of them) – people will wish they weren’t so stupid.
However, I hate feeling such things towards people! Even if I COULD have a legitimate reason to dislike them, I find myself either pissed at myself yet unrelenting of the feelings, or overcompensating when I realize I associated them with someone or something in an unfair way that led to negative feelings. Even if I could be right and I should not like them (as I have been in the past) all that it does is make my own life more complicated in the mean time. These are the self proclaimed neurosis that actually get in the way- who wants to have to think negatively about someone they do not legitimately know?!
Not EYE said the blindman. Not I.
Add this to my list of goals: quit the nonsense!
I choose to believe that the first example is legitimate and that someday, when the spiders begin their apocalyptic takeover of the world those of us with said phobia can say “We told you so” and those of you who have mocked us can cry “why didn’t I listen before it was too late”. It will go down in history alongside global warming or cooling or whatever, and the frame of mind that Bush was a good idea (either of them) – people will wish they weren’t so stupid.
However, I hate feeling such things towards people! Even if I COULD have a legitimate reason to dislike them, I find myself either pissed at myself yet unrelenting of the feelings, or overcompensating when I realize I associated them with someone or something in an unfair way that led to negative feelings. Even if I could be right and I should not like them (as I have been in the past) all that it does is make my own life more complicated in the mean time. These are the self proclaimed neurosis that actually get in the way- who wants to have to think negatively about someone they do not legitimately know?!
Not EYE said the blindman. Not I.
Add this to my list of goals: quit the nonsense!
Friday, August 20, 2010
10 Things I hate about breakups…and the people involved in them
The concept of Revenge:
Why is this a thing? Who are you trying to get back and what are you trying to accomplish? Does it actually make you feel happier to do something cruel to someone else (if it does, I might suggest that the only “dates” you go on are to a therapist). If you care so little about someone that you can do or say something cruel and malicious on purpose and are fully aware of your actions and the consequential reactions- then why do you care that they hurt you in the first place?
Desire to make yourself sadder:
Why do people do this. I’m sad, so I’m going to listen to sad music and watch sad movies. Or, even better, the break-ee asks the break-er to talk to them over and over again just so that they can pour some salt in the wounds a little more efficiently. If you are lucky enough to be friends with the person you were with, had a healthy break up, and want to continue to be friends with them- put it on hold for a bit. Don’t see them for 2 weeks – 2 months (depending on the length of the relationship) and try to talk to them as little as possible- but especially don’t talk about the relationship and how sad you are. This is just causing unnecessary and embarrassing pain!
Friends who say the wrong thing:
I told you so’s, I never liked her/him’s or let’s get drunk until you puke, crap/pee yourself, and/or solicit yourself in ridiculous ways…’s…are not only unhelpful in the immediate, short term, or long run, but ARE detrimental to the health of the person involved, wouldn’t you agree? Oh, and from experience, you can make someone stop coming to you when they really need a friend if you just criticize the decisions they made (or will make- because they will likely falter). A while ago I learned to be a lot more accepting of the “mistakes” that friends make…luckily before it was too late. And FYI- you aren’t perfect. You WILL do something stupid someday.
Misery Loves Company:
saying to the break-ee that the break-er was perfect and you loved them and you wish it didn’t have to end- that doesn’t make people feel better. Don’t hate…but don’t join in on the misery.
Set ups:
Unless you are asked- don’t. Unless you are ready- don’t. Oh, and if you’ve asked previously and the person has said firmly “no, never” or even “no, not now” leave it be until/unless they come to you.
Change:
Grow as a person throughout your life. If at all possible, travel and meet new people. Learn from old relationships…but never change or expect someone else to change if it isn’t something that you/they want. Compromise, sure, but trying to get someone back by making sacrifices (especially one-sided sacrifices) leads to resentment. Resentment is an ultimate killer of relationships but more importantly, your own sanity/happiness- you can date someone who goes out once or twice a week with their buddies without the world coming to an end. Also, if the other person refuses to stop doing something that hurts you- why even try to continue to ask? Just walk.
Neurosis: Mine.
Serial Monogomy:
Just because you got out of a long term relationship does not mean you need to immediately replace it with another to feel better. I recommend that everyone tries being single for a while. And I don’t even mean go on multiple dates and enjoy the “single life” that people always talk about- I mean BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. If you have never tried this before, wait until you are not heart broken and do not have a crush on someone for at least a few months. I tried this out for 6 years and am extremely content with who I am (2 years would have been enough- I went overboard). I believe that I can avoid unhealthy relationships because of this fact. This is not necessarily because I make better choices, but because I know that when something starts to go bad I can just leave. This will not be the end of the world. In fact, I have been happy alone before and I can be happy alone again. Which reminds me of another thing…
I will nevers:
I will never get over this person, I will never be happy again, this sadness will not go away.
Once you’ve been through a few heart aches you begin to realize this is utter bull shit. I get that when you love someone the idea of getting over them and them changing their mind sounds like the worst possible thing- but think about this: if you were over them, and they changed their mind- would you actually care?!
Never-Ending Cycles:
If you broke up, you broke up for a reason. I understand that people sometimes break up in the heat of the moment, or break up for a while…become new people…and find each other again. HOWEVER…if you have done this more than once it’s likely time to find each other on opposite sides of the country (or, at least, keep the F*** away from each other…seriously).
Why is this a thing? Who are you trying to get back and what are you trying to accomplish? Does it actually make you feel happier to do something cruel to someone else (if it does, I might suggest that the only “dates” you go on are to a therapist). If you care so little about someone that you can do or say something cruel and malicious on purpose and are fully aware of your actions and the consequential reactions- then why do you care that they hurt you in the first place?
Desire to make yourself sadder:
Why do people do this. I’m sad, so I’m going to listen to sad music and watch sad movies. Or, even better, the break-ee asks the break-er to talk to them over and over again just so that they can pour some salt in the wounds a little more efficiently. If you are lucky enough to be friends with the person you were with, had a healthy break up, and want to continue to be friends with them- put it on hold for a bit. Don’t see them for 2 weeks – 2 months (depending on the length of the relationship) and try to talk to them as little as possible- but especially don’t talk about the relationship and how sad you are. This is just causing unnecessary and embarrassing pain!
Friends who say the wrong thing:
I told you so’s, I never liked her/him’s or let’s get drunk until you puke, crap/pee yourself, and/or solicit yourself in ridiculous ways…’s…are not only unhelpful in the immediate, short term, or long run, but ARE detrimental to the health of the person involved, wouldn’t you agree? Oh, and from experience, you can make someone stop coming to you when they really need a friend if you just criticize the decisions they made (or will make- because they will likely falter). A while ago I learned to be a lot more accepting of the “mistakes” that friends make…luckily before it was too late. And FYI- you aren’t perfect. You WILL do something stupid someday.
Misery Loves Company:
saying to the break-ee that the break-er was perfect and you loved them and you wish it didn’t have to end- that doesn’t make people feel better. Don’t hate…but don’t join in on the misery.
Set ups:
Unless you are asked- don’t. Unless you are ready- don’t. Oh, and if you’ve asked previously and the person has said firmly “no, never” or even “no, not now” leave it be until/unless they come to you.
Change:
Grow as a person throughout your life. If at all possible, travel and meet new people. Learn from old relationships…but never change or expect someone else to change if it isn’t something that you/they want. Compromise, sure, but trying to get someone back by making sacrifices (especially one-sided sacrifices) leads to resentment. Resentment is an ultimate killer of relationships but more importantly, your own sanity/happiness- you can date someone who goes out once or twice a week with their buddies without the world coming to an end. Also, if the other person refuses to stop doing something that hurts you- why even try to continue to ask? Just walk.
Neurosis: Mine.
Serial Monogomy:
Just because you got out of a long term relationship does not mean you need to immediately replace it with another to feel better. I recommend that everyone tries being single for a while. And I don’t even mean go on multiple dates and enjoy the “single life” that people always talk about- I mean BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. If you have never tried this before, wait until you are not heart broken and do not have a crush on someone for at least a few months. I tried this out for 6 years and am extremely content with who I am (2 years would have been enough- I went overboard). I believe that I can avoid unhealthy relationships because of this fact. This is not necessarily because I make better choices, but because I know that when something starts to go bad I can just leave. This will not be the end of the world. In fact, I have been happy alone before and I can be happy alone again. Which reminds me of another thing…
I will nevers:
I will never get over this person, I will never be happy again, this sadness will not go away.
Once you’ve been through a few heart aches you begin to realize this is utter bull shit. I get that when you love someone the idea of getting over them and them changing their mind sounds like the worst possible thing- but think about this: if you were over them, and they changed their mind- would you actually care?!
Never-Ending Cycles:
If you broke up, you broke up for a reason. I understand that people sometimes break up in the heat of the moment, or break up for a while…become new people…and find each other again. HOWEVER…if you have done this more than once it’s likely time to find each other on opposite sides of the country (or, at least, keep the F*** away from each other…seriously).
Monday, August 16, 2010
Breaking up is hard to do
My Tips to breaking up Inspired by sad friends (yes, I have a boy now but I have enough experience to know what works- try it...add to it...love it):
- DO NOT LISTEN TO SAD MUSIC OR WATCH SAD/ROMANTIC MOVIES. You are crying enough, don’t try to make yourself sadder- why would this help!?
- When you are feeling particularly down but need to be somewhere and don’t want to cry (or, maybe someone is visiting you or you just don’t fee like crying anymore), stick a pen or pencil in your mouth for 2-5 minutes. It forces your muscles to do the same thing that your face does when you smile- and releases... happiness(!!) (endorphins or some such)…also, it could help in part because you laugh at yourself for being a dork.
- Also, try being a dork. It can be easier to laugh when it is at yourself.
- Write! If it helps to write someone or talk to someone about what happened, do it. If it helps to write an angry, sad, disappointed etc… poem or even a few sentences- do it. Try it.
- Let yourself cry when you feel down but keep a cool washcloth near-by for your eyes. Lay down- be alone, without any music or anything and just let yourself cry. Make sure you can follow it up with another activity like watching a comedic show or movie, so you don’t go to sleep with your eyes all puffed out (trust me, this will make you more depressed in the morning when you wake up and look at yourself)
- When you do listen to music make sure it has a beat- and don’t feel foolish for wanting to change a song that even remotely reminds you of the person you are trying to get over.
- Go for coffee with friends or even by yourself- it does help to be around people even if the aim is merely to make yourself stop crying. Maybe it will not make you happy (I suspect it will make you at least a little happy) but it will feel easier not to cry.
- Find something- ANYTHING else to think about if even for just a couple of hours a day. Try to learn something new or go back to an old hobby. Watch youtube videos, read, learn how to create something.
- Finally, when you find yourself thinking “I’ll never find anyone” “Ill never be happy again” “no one loves me” “I’m the saddest I’ve ever been” “I can’t handle/take this” yell, in your head, “stop being a mental case- you KNOW this gets better, you KNOW it is possible to care about someone else and you KNOW that you can work through it”. Even if you don’t believe it, don’t let yourself think the other things.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Recipes
I want to cook. I need to develop a recipe collection...maybe some fancy type of document that I can search and such...I've made such things for work I just have to get motivated to do so.
I should rate them by taste.
This means I need a scale for sweetness, spicy, overall yum etc..
If any one out there on the interweb wants to share feel free.
I'll make anything from Ultimate KD to Chicken Cordon Bleu
I should rate them by taste.
This means I need a scale for sweetness, spicy, overall yum etc..
If any one out there on the interweb wants to share feel free.
I'll make anything from Ultimate KD to Chicken Cordon Bleu
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Utilizing my powers over Inanimate Object
So, My computer decided to stop working overnight on THE night I started making my first blog ever.
I should take this as a sign not to continue...but I refuse!
I control you inanimate objects! not the other way around. Nice try, though.
Nice try.
I should take this as a sign not to continue...but I refuse!
I control you inanimate objects! not the other way around. Nice try, though.
Nice try.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Summatimes I'm Happy
It's acceptible to write two posts right in a row right?
While enjoying myself at my boys housemates party (the housemate being a friend I've known longer than the boy) I noticed copious amounts of jello shooters dead lifeless shells scattered amongst the bottles and cups in the kitchen while most people were in the living room or outside. So, feeling that if I got a handle on the situation now they might have less to clean in the morning, I decided to get a trash bag and start throwing said mess away.
A lady who was probably only a few years older than me comes into the kitchen (where I was originally all by my lonesome) and asks if I live there. My reply is no- mostly because I do not. She then asked if I always cleaned up after the boys. TO which my reply was no, not really- mostly because they can do it on there own and I was just being premptive.
So then she asks me how old I am in a rather condesending tone (19/20?) which left her surprised when my answer was 26. She apologized and started to walk away, but then came back and said sorry it's just... It really upsets me when I see a girl take on the "female" role of cleaning up after her man.
1- The sexism that statement is littered in simply contradicts her attempt at being...whatever she was attempting to be.
2- I also went to university and learned about gender roles and conformity etc ...and in conclusion...GIVE ME A BREAK! (not with university, just with this situation) I was being nice and throwing some trash away. Don't get me wrong, I don't ENJOY cleaning (though I do enjoy a clean house) and it's not impossible that I would kick someone who tried to tell my it was my job to do so (unless, of course, it was cleaning my own mess) HOWEVER if someone is fully aware of the choices they have in this life and found that they were most happy cooking meals, being a stay-at-home mom (or parent)and holding down the fort- who am I to judge them?! It's called equal rights/choices people...not revenge and rise up against the man.
To conclude: I should have the right to choose what I do with my time. Try to tell me I need to be a certain way (whether it be to be a "good woman" or to not follow those roles) and you will just piss me off.
While enjoying myself at my boys housemates party (the housemate being a friend I've known longer than the boy) I noticed copious amounts of jello shooters dead lifeless shells scattered amongst the bottles and cups in the kitchen while most people were in the living room or outside. So, feeling that if I got a handle on the situation now they might have less to clean in the morning, I decided to get a trash bag and start throwing said mess away.
A lady who was probably only a few years older than me comes into the kitchen (where I was originally all by my lonesome) and asks if I live there. My reply is no- mostly because I do not. She then asked if I always cleaned up after the boys. TO which my reply was no, not really- mostly because they can do it on there own and I was just being premptive.
So then she asks me how old I am in a rather condesending tone (19/20?) which left her surprised when my answer was 26. She apologized and started to walk away, but then came back and said sorry it's just... It really upsets me when I see a girl take on the "female" role of cleaning up after her man.
1- The sexism that statement is littered in simply contradicts her attempt at being...whatever she was attempting to be.
2- I also went to university and learned about gender roles and conformity etc ...and in conclusion...GIVE ME A BREAK! (not with university, just with this situation) I was being nice and throwing some trash away. Don't get me wrong, I don't ENJOY cleaning (though I do enjoy a clean house) and it's not impossible that I would kick someone who tried to tell my it was my job to do so (unless, of course, it was cleaning my own mess) HOWEVER if someone is fully aware of the choices they have in this life and found that they were most happy cooking meals, being a stay-at-home mom (or parent)and holding down the fort- who am I to judge them?! It's called equal rights/choices people...not revenge and rise up against the man.
To conclude: I should have the right to choose what I do with my time. Try to tell me I need to be a certain way (whether it be to be a "good woman" or to not follow those roles) and you will just piss me off.
Fire er up
SO I've never had blog in my 26 years of long life. This is surprising having grownup along side computers and the ever changing interweb (what is popular today, again?).
I was saddened to discover that Super Neurotic Girl is already a blog (ish...I think hers is adventures and I am not exciting enough to have adventures)mostly because I once wrote a song called super neurotic girl and always enjoyed the fake self demeaning way of calling yourself out on a bad quality that doesn't really bother you so that you can get a few laughs and maybe avoid having someone else call you on it first (I have a small head guys...more weight than I would like and one boob is noticibly larger than the other). Sounds self demeaning right? But I lied! well I didn't lie about the things, I just am typically pretty content with msyelf and my normally abnornmal proportions. And as for the neurosos...it just means I can think. I think.
Anyway here is that song. Written 4-5 years ago I think- did you know that women say the words "I think" "I feel" and other similar statements far more often than guys...I need to sound more certain...I think.
Question is, question all, question not- that’s fine
Take a bit, take a lot, waiver on the line
Is it my task, up to me to fix the world?
New generation, new kind of girl
Will my children have to pay the price
Of consumerism, lies and media bias?
Who’s to say it’s not already mine?
Education’s worth it but it does take time
So Super and wonderful
Always expecting more
Days aren’t so tragical
Just enough to wear me out
Trying but test me over again
Bring on another difficult question
I can handle it I’ve got some practice
Thinking over all these little distractions
Yeah it’s, Great- sure, but in this world
I’m just a Super neurotic girl
Don my cape, slick my hair, does anyone mind?
If I’m smart, if I care, if I walk around blind?
When I am done, would you mind taking the lead
Why start this now, if you won’t even agree
I could hold a sign and hope that you care
Contest the test of who gets to go where
Who holds me back if it isn’t me?
I can only try to think critically
Prepare for laughter when expressing myself
Defying Glares when I speak the truth out loud
Prepare when noticing if something’s wrong
And Being yelled at for not going along
I was saddened to discover that Super Neurotic Girl is already a blog (ish...I think hers is adventures and I am not exciting enough to have adventures)mostly because I once wrote a song called super neurotic girl and always enjoyed the fake self demeaning way of calling yourself out on a bad quality that doesn't really bother you so that you can get a few laughs and maybe avoid having someone else call you on it first (I have a small head guys...more weight than I would like and one boob is noticibly larger than the other). Sounds self demeaning right? But I lied! well I didn't lie about the things, I just am typically pretty content with msyelf and my normally abnornmal proportions. And as for the neurosos...it just means I can think. I think.
Anyway here is that song. Written 4-5 years ago I think- did you know that women say the words "I think" "I feel" and other similar statements far more often than guys...I need to sound more certain...I think.
Question is, question all, question not- that’s fine
Take a bit, take a lot, waiver on the line
Is it my task, up to me to fix the world?
New generation, new kind of girl
Will my children have to pay the price
Of consumerism, lies and media bias?
Who’s to say it’s not already mine?
Education’s worth it but it does take time
So Super and wonderful
Always expecting more
Days aren’t so tragical
Just enough to wear me out
Trying but test me over again
Bring on another difficult question
I can handle it I’ve got some practice
Thinking over all these little distractions
Yeah it’s, Great- sure, but in this world
I’m just a Super neurotic girl
Don my cape, slick my hair, does anyone mind?
If I’m smart, if I care, if I walk around blind?
When I am done, would you mind taking the lead
Why start this now, if you won’t even agree
I could hold a sign and hope that you care
Contest the test of who gets to go where
Who holds me back if it isn’t me?
I can only try to think critically
Prepare for laughter when expressing myself
Defying Glares when I speak the truth out loud
Prepare when noticing if something’s wrong
And Being yelled at for not going along
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